Raul’s Legacy

Tags

death, Faith, family, Friendship, inspiration, Love, Relationships, sad

“Hey Ra, I don’t know what’s going on but please call me back. We don’t have to talk or get into details I just want to make sure you’re ok.”

That was two weeks ago….

I’m still waiting for a response.

I texted him saying I loved him…no response.

I texted him on his birthday…again, no response

I’ve reread all our messages multiple times, I’ve replayed voice messages, and I’ve looked through pictures of us, it doesn’t make sense. Just two weeks ago, everything was fine, everything was normal. No matter what I do I know nothing will make him respond, he’s gone…forever.

Never had I imagined that Ra’s departure would be so sudden, I assumed that since he was young and healthy he had a whole lifetime ahead.  There was nothing that could have alluded to what was to come. I’d heard from him the day before and in typical Ra fashion, he was joking around. Upon learning the devastating news, I was incredulous, numb, and heartbroken. That night in my sleepless solitude, childhood memories came to mind. I remembered the time we were five and six and decided it was ok to walk home from school. The looks on our mom’s faces were priceless and we got the yelling of a lifetime. I especially remember how he loved to tell the story about the time I wanted him to play Barbie’s with me and offered him Ken, the jeep, and convertible. Despite my generous offer, he refused and I took out my anger by biting him and locking him in the closet with a naked Barbie. He was more than my cousin; he’d been my neighbor, schoolmate, wingman, and partner in crime. He was taken too soon in the most unnatural and unimaginable way, murder.

When we are forced to face the death of a loved one, we begin to question our own mortality. We wonder how much time we have left and if we are using our time adequately. We begin to reevaluate our actions, motives, and priorities. Tennessee Williams wrote, “death is one moment, life is so many of them.” I can’t help but wonder why we wait for the one moment that is too late to say all that was left unsaid. How silly are we? Many moments of laughter and joy could have been amplified if we chose to say the words left unspoken. Why wait when it’s too late to tell a body how much you love them when we had plenty of time to enrich a soul with those words of love? Ra’s death made me realize that too many times I forget to say aloud how much I love and appreciate those around me. I’ve done some crazy things in my lifetime but the craziest thing I’ve done is not manifest my heart’s feelings. All relationships whether that of family, friends, or lovers; need to be continuously cultivated with words and gestures of love. We reap what we sow and when we plant the seeds of love; our relationships can only grow and flourish beyond our expectations.

So many unspoken rules and regulations exist when it comes to relationships and courtships. We always take the backseat approach and wait for the other person to take initiative in expressing feelings. Fear and uncertainty are the only things that hold us back. If I could go back to the last time I heard from Ra, I would have texted back a lot more than “lmao.” If I could go back to the last time I saw the object of my affection I would have told him he means more to me than he thinks. If I could go back to the last time I saw one of my ex best friends I would have told her that I loved her like a sister despite our fall out. I can’t change the past but I can change what’s to come.  When my time comes to leave this earth I hope that at one point I brought a smile to the faces and warmth to the hearts of all those I love most importantly I hope that I don’t take with me words that were left unspoken.

Ra taught me how beat Mario Brothers, throw a mean right hook, what to say to boys, and how to be a good friend among other things. Most importantly I learned the following lessons that I will carry with me for the rest of my life and pass on to my children.  I learned that a smile can create happiness, kind words can create wonders, and love can create miracles. Don’t be afraid to express your love to the girls and guys unlike any other in your life.

Love deeply, laugh loudly, and live fully!

XO-G

PS Follow me on twitter @gabytovar618

Me, Myself & Gabby

Tags

Friendship, Hope, Love, Scrapbook, Single, Valentines Day

Like many of you, this Valentine’s Day is bittersweet. For me, it’s the first Valentine’s Day in five years where I’m single.   Being a romantic at heart, I have always taken pride in this special day.  I see it as an opportunity to go beyond what I would normally do when it comes to romancing my significant other.  Since I love scrap-booking, it became a tradition to put together a scrapbook of the previous year’s events and special memories.  Throughout the year I would save silly things like receipts to trips we took or from a favorite restaurant we went too.  I would save anything I could get my hands on just for this special day. It became such a special tradition that my ex naturally expected one every year. This year there will be no scrapbooks.  In fact, I am trying very hard to forget the memories from 2011.

Of course it is never easy being single during this time of the year.  With the constant reminders from society screaming “Yep, you’re single and alone this Valentine’s Day!”   Every channel I turn on a romantic movie is playing or during commercials I would hear the infamous “Every KISS begins with KAY” reminding me that NO you will not be getting fancy jewelry this year.  Or my favorite, checking my email everyday only to find advertisements and discounts for flowers, chocolates and Edible Arrangements.  Ugh, that last one was my favorite.  I actually debated sending myself flowers or maybe an Edible arrangement.    But then I reminded myself that a Girl Unlike Any Other doesn’t let one little day get her down.   She grabs the day by the balls and makes the best of it with her other single friends of course.

So to make the best of this special day, Gabby and I decided to be each other’s Valentine.  You see a Girl Unlike Any Other would never sit home feeling sorry for herself.  She would take this day by the balls and make it her own.  Why?  Because she can and she absolutely should.  So Gabby and I decided to do just that. We decided that LOVE is not just for couples it’s for friends too.  Especially, those special friends that were there for you after your breakup.  So instead of staying home, eating ice cream out of the carton and feeling sorry for ourselves we are going out and celebrating our friendship.   We are getting all dolled up and treating ourselves to a fancy dinner at a fancy restaurant because we can and we deserve it.  Remember you are the writer of your story.  If you choose to believe that Valentine’s Day is only for couples, then that’s what it will be for you and you will be miserable all day. You can choose to see it differently, you can choose to apply it to your life as you see fit.  Right now Gabby and I are single so this year Valentine’s Day has a whole another meaning.  The meaning of friendship and love.

So ladies, we urge you to get out there and make something of this special day.  DO NOT sit home feeling sorry for yourself because you do not have a boyfriend to romance you and buy you special gifts and dinner.  You are not alone and guess what?? You can most certainly get all of those things for yourself and you should.  So take pride in that.  Grab this day by the balls and make it special.  Make it a day to remember, make it your special day a day of YOU.  Celebrate the love that is in your life right now, the love of family and friendship.

So Happy Valentine’s Day DOLLS!!  You’re all beautiful inside and out.  Get out there this Valentine’s Day and like I said grab it by the balls because we have those too.

XO Jo & Gabriela – Girls Unlike Any Other

*Follow our inspirational tweets on dating, relationships and dealing with breakups @GrlUnlkeAnyOthr

PS: Since I love scrap-booking so much I decided to create a scrapbook of the most important LOVE of all: family and friends.  It’s exciting to take something that I use to love to do for others and finally do it for me.  It’s a great lesson actually, never stop doing what you love, even if the reason changes.  Still be you and never stop doing the things that make you smile.  <3

Ahhhhhhhha!

Tags

Cheaters, Cheating, Dating, Friendship, Hope, Moving on, Relationships, Single, Strength, Trust, Women

Three months ago I had what Oprah calls an “Ahhhha” moment.  It’s a life altering moment when your looking back at your life and say “OMG…how did I not see that before?  I’m so stupid!”   More specifically, I realized that being cheated on, lied to, manipulated by my now ex-boyfriend for almost four years is a big no no and that I should have walked away from him the very first time he cheated and never looked back.  Why did I take him back the first time?  Why did I take him back after the second time he cheated and left me for someone else? How did I not see the signs throughout our relationship?  I know the answers to these questions now and I’m at peace with my decisions and their consequences.   I forgave my ex-boyfriend not because I wanted him back (because I do not- finally) but because forgiving him is also forgiving myself.  It is freeing up all the anger, hatred and resent I had inside and letting it go so I have room for happiness- for my new life.  Forgiving my ex was simple- it was accepting my new single status while dealing with the “shame” I felt that was difficult to deal with.  So in addition to forgiving my ex- I had to forgive myself too. The later proved more difficult then I had expected.  There is a lot more involved, which is why I decided to create a blog and write about it.   It’s my way of venting to the world  instead of doing what I really want to do- scream and yell at my ex!

Today is a great day.  I’m in a way better place then I was three months ago.  I have finally moved on, forgiven him and let go of all that resentment and anger.  It definitely took time and it was not easy.  I did a lot of reading, especially self help books and talking with other people who have experienced similar heartache.  My nights consumed of reading,  anything I can get my hands on just so I can temporarily forget about my heartache. It helped a lot- my mind wandered less to those hurtful memories.  Even if it was for 20 minutes, it was 20 minutes of not thinking about him.  20 minutes of not having to think about four years of wasted time on someone who kept hurting me.  So then I started thinking, how about that girl who doesn’t have anyone to talk to, the girl who is too embarrassed to talk about the issues within her relationship, how about the girl who is so insecure she can’t see how truly unhappy she is? I want to help that girl because I use to be that girl until someone helped me.

So I ask you fellow bloggers, readers, all the “single” ladies of the world, all the ladies out there who are trying to find Mr.Right but keep falling for Mr.Wrong.  All the ladies who have been cheated on, abused, manipulated and lied to, all the ladies who are currently in a relationship with no trust. All the ladies who have a sister or a friend who fits any of the above-I ask you to follow our blog and lets learn from each other.  Lets make sense of why we make stupid mistakes and how we can move on to a much healthier happier life.

For me it started three months ago and it is truly refreshing to say the least.  I’m truly happy that I am no longer with someone I don’t trust and who took me for granted over and over again.  Being single has its ups and downs but I would choose being single then stay with someone who does not ADD onto my life in a positive way.

So why did I name my blog “A Girl Unlike Any Other?” Someone once told me that if you want to be treated with respect and truly loved by a good man then you must act like “A girl unlike any other.“  You know the type of girl who wouldn’t normally do things that other girls would do.  A girl unlike any other would never stay with someone she doesn’t trust.  A girl unlike any other would never put up with emotional and mental abuse because she knows shes a girl unlike any other and the harsh mean words her boy friend is calling her are not true. In fact a girl unlike any other knows how fabulous she is.  A girl unlike any other would never stay with a man who cheats on her because she knows she is worth so much more.  A girl unlike any other knows there is a guy out there for her who would treat her with the respect and love she deserves.  A girl unlike any other would never settle for just anyone.  A girl unlike any other loves and respects herself and is classy at all times.

So ask yourself this….Are you a girl unlike any other?

XO Jo- A Girl Unlike Any Other

Follow our amazing, inspirational tweets   @GrlUnlkeAnyOthr

Fight or Flight

Tags

Abuse, courtship, cruel words, Dating, Faith, Friendship, Hope, Relationships, sweet solitude

December 21, 2012 was the date we picked to get married, perhaps it was a Freudian slip on my part since I was the one who suggested it, he only agreed. I remember joking around and saying how the world was supposed to end that day so luckily we’d only be hitched for a few hours. There is no longer a wedding to plan; instead, I sit here in my bittersweet solitude contemplating whether or not I should finally take off a certain explicit sign I’ve been wearing on my forehead for almost a year. My last relationship took a toll on me and left me with a little more baggage than I wished. Getting over my ex was not the factor; it was getting over how I allowed him to alter the way I perceived myself.
My relationship with Nathan* started off just like any other, we started off as friends which lead to a courtship which then lead to an engagement. There was a point where I was completely enamored with the way he treated me, he was different from anyone I had ever been with. He went above and beyond to make me happy and I couldn’t ask for more. The relationship seemed very promising and I was getting bored of the dating scene so I let my guard down and just let it be. For a while I thought I was in love and that this was it. I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Nathan suddenly felt the need to check my phone and began to have a problem with my male friends. He went as far as prohibiting from hanging out with a select few. If he found texts from guys I was cheating, if he didn’t it was because I was slick and deleted them all before he could get to them. Unfortunately that was only the beginning, next came the name calling. I was constantly being reminded that I was no longer attractive enough for him, he claimed that I was fat and ugly- that I was lucky to have him because he was the best I could do. Obscene and cruel words were a part of our daily interaction. Then came a point in which he would not mind his drinking and he would become aggressive. My dislike for him and the situation we were in grew more and more every day. I had mentally checked out of that relationship at that point and thought it was only a matter of time before we went our separate ways, again, I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Nathan proposed! Why I said yes and everything running through my mind will be a blog entry all in itself, but the bottom line was I said yes!  Our relationship proceeding the engagement took a turn for the worse. Nathan and I had no patience for each other. Nothing in our actions or demeanor would hint to a happily engaged couple looking to start a future together. We had the same issues but they were escalating to another level.
I felt like I was slowly being backed into a corner between a rock and a hard place. It was hard to leave but it was even harder to stay. At this point I barely had a relationship with my family or friends. They weren’t Nathans biggest fans, I wasn’t his biggest fan then either, and more importantly I wasn’t MY biggest fan while in this relationship. I had turned into someone impatient, cold, and even cruel at times. I was like a wild little animal, hard to tame. When this little wild animal got backed as far as she could into the corner there were only two choices: fight or flight.
I chose flight, I had finally snapped but in a good way. After almost four years I finally called it quits. It was the most liberating and scariest moment of my dating life. I don’t blame Nathan for the eventual demise of our relationship. A girl unlike any other takes responsibilities for her own actions. I know there were mistakes I made along the way too. I do not justify his actions in any way, shape or form. No woman or man should be in a relationship similar to mine. However, I do not intend to victimize myself and play the woe is me card. In retrospect I am very grateful for having Nathan in my life. I had to learn how to rebuild myself, and what happens when you have to rebuild something? It comes out stronger, better, and harder to break down.

Single life has agreed with me for the past year. I’ve had my highs and lows, bitter moments as well as hopeful moments. Follow the blog as I fill you in on my current dating life and also throw in stories from the past just so you, the reader can understand where I’ve been and where I’m headed. Being ‘A girl Unlike Any Other’ means not dwelling on the past but learning from it and using it to your advantage to begin building a strong foundation for what’s to come. I’m still here and I’m still hopeful!

Follow Jo and I on Twitter @GrlUnlkeAnyOthr as we tweet inspirational sayings and quotes! Let us help you- move on too!

XO- Gabriela
*Name has been changed for privacy.